When Sues Burn
by Stephanie Clear
Summary: There have been an abundance of Mary Sues coming into Sky High as of late. To Warren's way of thinking, the only logical solution is to blow them all up. Makes perfect sense! I mean no offense to anyone except those who write Mary Sues.


**Warning: **Yes, Warren blows up his school with all the Sues trapped inside. I definitely don't mean any offense to anyone in writing this fic - it's just a silly parody that I wanted to write. If you're offended by the idea, please don't read this.

And as always, I own nothing, and make no money from this.

**When Sues Burn**

"Beth?" Magenta tugged on the sleeve of Bethany Ramirez's white sweater that day as they all entered Sky High, the morning bells just now starting to ring. Beth glanced over at her, offering the other girl a friendly smile.

"What's up, Maj?"

Magenta cringed inwardly, but continued. "Well, you're Warren's girlfriend and all, so I thought you should be the first to know. He's um, here early today."

Beth's pale eyebrows rose a bit, watching Magenta. "Huh. Well, okay. Good for him?"

"That's not all," Magenta pressed on. "Layla and I were watching him on our way off the bus, and he was...um, well. He had a can of kerosene in his hands, Beth."

Beth's blue eyes widened.

"_What_?"

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Her name was Raven Darkmoon, and she was in love with Warren Peace.

Tragic, _painful_ love. It was a love that spanned the ages, a love that wrenched the poor girl's heart from the inside out. A love that made her cut herself alone in her room at night because she just couldn't take the pain. She usually felt better after posting pictures of her lacerated arms all over the internet, though. It was hard being a nonconformist if no one was around to appreciate how cool you were, after all. Raven wrote poetry too -- _dark_, _tragic_ poetry that reflected the inner torment of her blackened soul. Most of it was about Warren. Needless to say, he had a way of blackening things. The fact that this was usually done by way of his charring said things was lost on Raven Darkmoon, but that was a moot point.

_Oh Warren,_ she'd written that day before school in her Deadjournal, _why must our love remain unrequited? Why must you torment me with this aching black pain of the raven night? My soul bleeds for you, Warren my love, my passion burns me like the sweet kiss of so many razors..._

"Jenny! Get downstairs, breakfast is ready!"

She rolled her eyes and hit UPDATE, turning her head to yell back, "It's RAVEN Mom. Raven Darkmoon. How many times do I have to tell you!"

Mrs. Johnson sighed heavily from where she stood at the foot of the stairs, fixing her Rolex watch on her wrist. The family had always been extremely wealthy after all, and it wouldn't do to look anything less. Thusly, it made her wince when her daughter came stomping down the stairs in a black Avril Lavigne concert t-shirt over a brand-new black fishnet shirt fresh from Hot Topic, baggy black jeans complete with buckles and dangling chains, and black shit smeared all over her face.

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"All right, honey. Eat fast now, school is in ten minutes."

Jade Masterson was in love with Warren Peace.

She strolled into Sky High that day in tight black leather pants, a skimpy red tank top, huge black combat boots, and brass knuckles adorning her hands. She only weighed 110 lbs, but she could lift well over 400 lbs and had six black belts. She had not one, not two, but _four_ powers. Not only was she capable of controlling _all _of the elements, she could fly, and was invulnerable as well as telepathic. Needless to say, she was the most powerful student at Sky High. No one in their right mind fucked with her, and she liked it that way. Jade was a cold, angry girl with a dark and violent past that she never talked about, except for when she wanted to impress someone. Which was rare of course, she swore, because she didn't give a _damn_ what anyone else thought of her.

Except for Warren.

He was the only boy around here worth her time, she thought as she opened her locker and snarled viciously at the girl who was doing the same next to her. The only cold, angry soul she could bond with, the only person in the world who could ever i understand /i her. So far, he hadn't responded to her advances, but she figured that if she was bitchy enough, and beat up enough stupid girls, he'd have to notice her eventually. After all, she was the only person in the world who could understand _him_ .

"Hey. Did you get the notes for Medulla's class?" the girl standing next to her asked timidly. "I was sick yesterday."

"FUCK YOU!" Jade shrieked, her voice a sound of pure rage, and the girl quailed helplessly as Jade stepped back to draw a semi-automatic rifle from her locker and opened fire. She managed to shoot the bitch in the leg when she tried to run, and when she fell flat on her face Jade approached her, retrieving a fully-loaded crossbow from inside the trenchcoat she was suddenly and unexpectedly wearing.

"Time to die, bitch," she said dangerously, her eyes suddenly glowing white and crackling wildly as the power of the elements made her grow to ten feet tall (though she was still skinny and hot, of course). The life of a junior ended that day, and Jade Masterson was thusly vindicated in her own mind.

Now only if she could convince Warren of her love...

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Aphrodite Heart was in love with Warren Peace.

_He_ should have been the one to feel lucky, she decided that day as she sat in Mad Science class. After all, she was the most beautiful girl in the school. She was so beautiful, she was blinding. She was so beautiful, people often described her as being like a sparkling jewel or a glorious sunrise or a Goddess of unimaginable beauty - hence her namesake.

Her hair was shimmering, cascading down to her ankles in a wondrously beautiful display of Goddess-like beauty, the color of a hundred roses, a thousand bursts of sunlight, a million night skies full of sparkling stars. Speaking of stars, her _eyes_ ...they were mesmerizing. They changed color with her moods, and if a boy happened to find himself caught in their gaze, he was lost to his love for her forever. They were big and flawless, like two glittering diamonds in a face with the most perfectly delicate nose and the sweetest, most temptingly pouty mouth humanly possible. Her skin was like fresh cream, as unblemished and smooth as pure snow-white silk.

On top of all of this, Aphrodite's personality was perfect too. She was always sweet and gentle, always coy and teasing, not a prude but not a slut either - everything about her was perfect, she could do no wrong. Needless to say, a girl with absolutely no faults was incredibly rare at Sky High, and so almost _all _of the boys were in love with her. Lash, Zach, Ethan, Larry, Ace, Ryan, Will...but not Coach Boomer or Speed, because Boomer was old and Speed wasn't hot. For some reason, her power of pheromones only worked on guys _she_ thought were attractive, she wasn't sure why yet. And never, _ever_ on girls. Somehow, Warren seemed to be immune to her too, something she blamed mostly on his stupid, preppy, honor-roll girlfriend Beth.

But it was only a matter of time before her perfect beauty of perfection won him over, she just knew it.

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"Let me get this straight. You saw Warren carrying around a can of _kerosene_!" Beth said a little too loudly to Magenta at lunch that day. Maj hadn't had time to explain that morning - both she and Beth had rushed to class. But now it was the afternoon, and Will, Zach, Beth, Magenta, Layla, Larry and Ethan were all sitting at the same lunch table and talking about it.

Magenta nodded. Will and Layla looked worried. None of them had seen Warren all day, which was strange. Usually he'd at least stop by one of Beth's classes as they ended to say hi and look around to make sure no one was watching before giving her a quick kiss. He'd just never been the type for PDA's, and she was okay with that. Part of being with Warren was understanding and respecting his personal space.

"Okay, so no one's seen him today, except for Layla and Magenta this morning," Will said. He was sounding more and more like his father with every passing day. More authoritative, more confident. He tended to take charge of situations more these days.

"So the first thing we have to do is call his house and see if he's there..." Will started, right as Warren walked into the cafeteria. The tightness in Beth's chest released immensely upon seeing him, but she restrained herself from jumping up and running to him. That would only have made him uncomfortable. She'd always been good at reading people, and she knew that it wasn't that Warren didn't want anyone to know about their relationship - it was just that being affectionate with someone in front of anyone else made him feel exposed and vulnerable. Unlike all of the girls at Sky High who _thought_ they understood Warren, Beth was the only one who actually did.

"Hi," she said a little weakly, embarrassed at how emotionally she was reacting to this. But Warren and kerosene...it had not been a situation bound for anything good.

"Hi!" he said cheerfully upon approaching them, and she got worried again.

"...Warren? Are you okay?" Ethan asked nervously, looking him up and down, and Warren nodded with a rather big, cheery grin on his face.

"Right as rain! Just thought I should let you guys know, it would do all of you well to get out of the school before one-thirty today."

All eyes narrowed, watching Warren, and Zach was the first to speak.

"...Dude? Why?"

"No reason. Just uh, make sure you do. Seriously. But I've got to go now, I'll talk to all of you later!" he said, all but skipping on out of the cafeteria. An slew of beautiful girls sighed wistfully as the door closed behind him, and Layla looked over at Beth with real fear in her eyes.

"This isn't going anywhere good."

"We should probably listen to him," Ethan added, and Will nodded.

"Yeah. Come on, let's start rounding everyone up."

"Shit!" Magenta was checking her watch. "Guys, did we forget that we were scheduled for the last lunch period today? It's _one-twenty_!"

"Shit!" it was said in unison.

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It was all over the news that night. Sky High had been set on fire that afternoon around one-thirty PM, resulting in a massive explosion that led the police to think that the arson had been committed deliberately. Traces of kerosene were found on the premises.

Eighty-four students were killed, all of them girls, oddly enough. Will and co. watched TV that night as they all huddled on the couch, staring at the set with wide eyes. The anchorwoman was reading off the names of the lives lost from a list.

"Jenny Johnson, aka 'Raven Darkmoon', age seventeen. Jade Masterson, age sixteen. Aphrodite Heart, age seventeen. Sakura Tenshi Shinomoto Asuka Aoi-chan, age fifteen..."

"Oh, my God," Layla whispered, somehow unable to feel _quite_ as bad about this tragedy as she usually would have, though. Right as she spoke, the phone rang.

"Hello?" Will asked, picking it up.

"Are you _seeing_ this shit?" Warren's voice.

"Warren...what have you done?"

"Me? Nothing. Nothing at all. Don't you _love_ plausible deniability, Will?"

Will paused.

"Actually, yes."

"Tell Beth to stop by my place when she leaves yours tonight. I want her to come shopping with me for the party I'll be throwing tomorrow night. If you losers must attend, I won't stop you."

"Why are you - "

"Plausible deniability, Will."

"Got it."

"See you fucks tomorrow night."

Warren hung up.

So did Will.

"Party at Warren's. Tomorrow night," he said.

"Nice!" Magenta said.

"A _party_!" Layla asked, and Will glanced over at her.

"Does that mean you're not coming?"

"Well, no. But still..."

FIN


End file.
